If we really want God's fire, we have to let Him burn everything we've got. One huge lesson God taught me in Mozambique was that He is an all-consuming fire and He will consume everything in the way between us and Him, if we really want Him. I told God that I wanted Him and would give up everything for Him, and throughout the entire trip, God kept bringing things in my life to mind that I would have to leave behind if I wanted Him more than anything. He went through a whole long list of possessions, people, attitudes, and emotions that He wanted complete control over. He asked if He could burn up a few little things first, and I fought Him on it, then I relinquished control, and that was the beginning of everything being burned up in His all-consuming fire. Any clothes, shoes, and household things had to go, they were the first things. I left a whole bunch of things in Moz for people who have literally nothing. It breaks my heart to see little kids running around the streets in filthy dirty ripped clothes. When you pick them up and they smile, you realize that clothes don't really matter, and you are ready to give it all away.
God even burnt my camera (?) Well, my camera lens broke in an accident, but the more important thing was that I was not too concerned that I lost it. I was just like "well, I can get a new one when I go back to the US." When God burns things up, He changes your attitudes towards leaving them. He changes your attitudes towards your possessions and relationships.
God removes relationships that become important to us before they become more important to us than God. Before I left, God told me I needed to give up a certain friendship, and not communicate with them while in Africa. So I didn't. I thought this would be hard, but God made it easy on me. And He burnt that relationship up! And continues to burn through things in my life, burning up my computer......... My computer was one thing that I particularly wish I had in Moz with me, but I didn't. I remember talking with some people saying, if I could go home and just get one thing and come back here to live, it would be my computer. I know at least one person shared this sentiment. Little did I know, that one thing I wish I had, would be gone within three weeks of arriving back in the US. So the one thing I wanted most in Africa, maybe I wanted too much, and it had to go.
If you want the fire of God, if you want Him fully, if you want to give your life to Him completely, you have to be ready to surrender everything into His consumign fire. His consuming fire will burn and will burn up everything!
Showing posts with label Mozambique. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mozambique. Show all posts
6.1.09
How Does One Make This Easier?
How does one make reverse culture shock easier? How do you re-enter your home country without too much of a jolt to your system?
When will it be normal again to go into a grocery store packed with large, full shelves? When will it not be a laborious task to pick something in the store out, simply because you have choices again, and you no longer know how to pick out things in a store? Right now, it seems like every store I have gone in, I have needed or wanted something, but ended up not picking it out. I look and look, and don’t make a decision. Side note… I did buy a bookcase the other day, but that was easy, there was only one color left in stock of the size I wanted! I have no idea what to do with all this stuff around me. I look at and pick up everything in sight, just kind of marveling at it. I did that with nearly everything in my own house for the first week. It is like I have never seen these things before. But I have.
I keep on imagining of how it would be with these two kids from Mozambique here with me. To see their reaction to a grocery store, Walmart, endless aisles of toys, and even snow, would be really interesting. I keep imagining them walking beside me and holding my hands. Little Carlito would be in shock and comment on things, like he did the day I left Africa and said goodbye to him with my tennis shoes on instead of flip flops. He sees me and I pick him up and the first thing he says is “You bought tennis shoes!” He would be saying about nearly everything “Hey! Look at that!” And Sabina, she would be so timid and not really know what to do or say. They would probably eat everything in the house. And get sick.
Just like I got sick coming back. Ugh. I felt sicker coming back and eating the food here than I ever had in Mozambique. I couldn’t eat dairy stuff really for the first week, and haven’t eaten much meat either, my body can’t handle it.
And what about the kids we left in the villages? How do we make it through a day without thinking of them, thinking of how crappy their lives are and how we can’t do a thing about it? One little girl, no more than 4, was carrying her little brother who was probably nearly 2. She was taking care of him every time we saw her for the two days we were in this village. How do I reconcile that with my experience here? How do I say “oh, its just the way things are there” when I know that it is so not fair for a little four year old to be responsible for another kid? A four year old babysitter? Come on. Really.
How does this get easier? I make it a bit easier on myself by telling myself I am going back in a few months. And in that time, I am processing things, and trying to make it better. I was sewing some things this weekend, and sort of by accident made a little girl’s dress. I felt like God was nudging me to do this. Its for a girl in Africa. And then I made another one. And a little boy outfit. And another one is cut out… I guess that is my way of making my time here easier. I am going back. That I know. But I have also taken the kids from Africa here with me in my heart.
When will it be normal again to go into a grocery store packed with large, full shelves? When will it not be a laborious task to pick something in the store out, simply because you have choices again, and you no longer know how to pick out things in a store? Right now, it seems like every store I have gone in, I have needed or wanted something, but ended up not picking it out. I look and look, and don’t make a decision. Side note… I did buy a bookcase the other day, but that was easy, there was only one color left in stock of the size I wanted! I have no idea what to do with all this stuff around me. I look at and pick up everything in sight, just kind of marveling at it. I did that with nearly everything in my own house for the first week. It is like I have never seen these things before. But I have.
I keep on imagining of how it would be with these two kids from Mozambique here with me. To see their reaction to a grocery store, Walmart, endless aisles of toys, and even snow, would be really interesting. I keep imagining them walking beside me and holding my hands. Little Carlito would be in shock and comment on things, like he did the day I left Africa and said goodbye to him with my tennis shoes on instead of flip flops. He sees me and I pick him up and the first thing he says is “You bought tennis shoes!” He would be saying about nearly everything “Hey! Look at that!” And Sabina, she would be so timid and not really know what to do or say. They would probably eat everything in the house. And get sick.
Just like I got sick coming back. Ugh. I felt sicker coming back and eating the food here than I ever had in Mozambique. I couldn’t eat dairy stuff really for the first week, and haven’t eaten much meat either, my body can’t handle it.
And what about the kids we left in the villages? How do we make it through a day without thinking of them, thinking of how crappy their lives are and how we can’t do a thing about it? One little girl, no more than 4, was carrying her little brother who was probably nearly 2. She was taking care of him every time we saw her for the two days we were in this village. How do I reconcile that with my experience here? How do I say “oh, its just the way things are there” when I know that it is so not fair for a little four year old to be responsible for another kid? A four year old babysitter? Come on. Really.
How does this get easier? I make it a bit easier on myself by telling myself I am going back in a few months. And in that time, I am processing things, and trying to make it better. I was sewing some things this weekend, and sort of by accident made a little girl’s dress. I felt like God was nudging me to do this. Its for a girl in Africa. And then I made another one. And a little boy outfit. And another one is cut out… I guess that is my way of making my time here easier. I am going back. That I know. But I have also taken the kids from Africa here with me in my heart.
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